Roller Coaster

We drank from our emotions as though they were eternal springs. Fed from our passion as though it were an immovable feast. Each peak of mountainous desire we scaled, confident there could never be an end.

Our eagerness to totally dissolve into each other’s spirit, led each of us to blindly give the other, not only heart and soul but everything that we had ever been. There was nothing more we could give, no empty spaces inside to fill, no dark undiscovered corners, we were one and it was forever.

And so when we fell, as inevitably we had to, we fell dangerously, battered and bruised; we hurt. The pain ate away at the very core of our being, ironically the dissolution that was once so welcomed, now tore us apart. An addiction starved not of an artificially created drug that could equally be introduced or removed voluntarily, but a natural concoction made specifically by the host to guarantee dependency. 

The pain wasn’t just inside, it was all around in the everyday. The past was now all rotten, infected by a hideous disease, try as we might to make it become a faded distant memory forever lost amongst a modern glamorous present; it resisted with the strength of passion it had been fed.

Our discarded, exhausted bodies resembled a sculpture of dried out desert sand. To be struck by a simple blow, shatter and disperse, to make us disappear without a trace and end an incurable pain that no pills could ever relieve; a simple wish destined to be ignored.

Separated we’d grasp at any small hope to make it through the minutes until they became hours and eventually days, only to discover unanswered questions were worse than knowing the worst. 

We’d return to a former battleground with blood in our eyes, our inner claws sharpened and ready. Optimistic that one last meaningful bitter fight would lead to the end we both so eagerly sought. Instead we’d find the sun had chased away our shadows, no words would be spent, a single look sufficient to wash away the foolishness of it all.

Resting back in the safety of our unique embrace we can see the future once again as clear as ever. No one else matters, friends advice no longer valuable, the deceit they’d feel a small price to pay for the only happiness that matters.

Amazed at how we can find so much more to give, only hours before too much had been shared, sacrifices made deemed ridiculous; and yet now fully refreshed these thoughts have vanished.

No matter how much we seek to stop this endless tide of torment, we know the heartbeat of waves on our personal beach is nothing more than life itself. The only way to get everything we truly desire is to be selfish, retain a little of ourselves deep inside and endlessly pursue the pattern that our horizon shows us regardless of the torment.


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